


When You Hold My Hand

by Vedis



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: M/M, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest, past trauma, some original characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29785335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vedis/pseuds/Vedis
Summary: Chaos ensues when Niles's mystery daughter shows up at Krakenburg two months before Leo and Niles's wedding.
Relationships: Camilla/Lazward | Laslow, Leon | Leo/Zero | Niles
Comments: 12
Kudos: 9





	1. If Our Lives Changed Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Leo and Niles learn of Niles's mystery daughter two months before their wedding Krakenburg is thrown into confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, the long awaited (by me) _When You Hold My Hand_!

The whole world was cold outside of Leo's bed. Black velvet curtains hung like long dead guards in front of Leo's windows, but they didn't do much to keep out the cold. When he breathed he couldn't quite see his breath, but he was sure it was close. Niles didn't belong in here. He didn't even really belong in here when he had been serving as Leo's retainer, but he felt especially out of place waking up here in the morning. If Xander knew, Xander would agree. Xander would say it was stupid to risk a scandal when their wedding was only two months away. Camilla would laugh, and tell Xander to let them have their fun while they were young. Everyone but Xander knew that _she_ was having _her_ fun with Laslow. Niles was glad to be marrying Leo – it was more than he had ever dreamed of – but he was far from excited for the wedding. He was dreading it. All those judging eyes watching them exchange vows, and thinking about what a mistake Leo was making marrying a nothing like him. And Niles agreed with them, but for some reason Leo loved him. Leo wouldn't love him if he knew.

Leo stirred beside him and Niles watched him wake up. Niles would never get tired of watching Leo wake up, not even if he got to watch it for the rest of his life.  
“I'll beat you tomorrow,” Leo said, groggily after realizing Niles had woken up first again.  
“Of course you will,” Niles agreed, smirking. Leo rolled his eyes and got out of bed. Niles stayed still for a few minutes, watching Leo get ready, before following suit.  
“Don't take too long; we have to meet with Camilla to go over the guest list,” Leo instructed.  
“Your collar's inside out,” Niles told him, helpfully. Leo groaned and let Niles help him fix it. Niles took a little longer than necessary because Leo's neck was warm.  
“Thanks,” said Leo, not commenting on the dawdling.  
“I live to serve.” Niles bowed mockingly.  
“You're not supposed to say things like that anymore, Niles. We're going to married in eight weeks,” Leo reminded him as he straightened Niles's shirt. He had always cared more about how respectable Niles looked than Niles did.  
“So you would've preferred I let you walk around with your clothes on wrong?” Niles asked.  
“No, I just wish you could refrain from making comments about living to serve and the like. You're your own person and you need to understand that,” Leo insisted.  
“What if my own person likes making comments like that?” Niles asked teasingly.  
“You're ridiculous,” said Leo. “Hurry up, Xander will be mad if we're late to breakfast.” Niles smiled and pulled on his shoes.  
“I'm ready but you haven't brushed your hair.”  
“Neither have you,” said Leo.  
“Yeah, but I never brush my hair and you brush yours every morning.” Leo brushed his hair quickly but thoroughly. He adjusted his headband carefully in front of the mirror. Niles snickered.  
“Your turn,” Leo said, and before Niles could protest Leo was pulling the hairbrush through his hair.  
“Ow! Leo! Stop; I'm good!” Niles protested.  
“You're not good if your hair looks like you haven't brushed it in weeks,” Leo insisted while continuing to brush Niles's hair.  
“But I _haven't_ brushed it in weeks!” Niles argued.  
“Exactly,” said Leo smugly.  
“I have more important things to do,” said Niles. “Are you done yet?”  
“Almost, your hair is a mess,” Leo answered.  
“Why I wasn't brushing it,” said Niles.  
“Done, let's go.” Leo set down the hairbrush and took Niles's hand before heading for the door. Niles would never get used to starting the mornings like this.

Breakfast went about as well as usual except that Corrin was visiting their siblings in Hoshido. Which meant that Niles got scolded halfway through for encouraging Elise to play with her food. And encouraging Elise to play with her food meant showing her how to throw something behind her back and catch it in her mouth by demonstrating it himself. Camilla did not fins this trick half as entertaining as Elise did, nor did she find Elise spilling food all over herself as amusing as Niles did. The chaos ended with Xander threatening to make both Niles and Elise sit in the corner and Niles trying to get him to actually do it and then eventually Leo difusing the situation and everyone moving on.

Breakfast always lasted too long in Niles's opinion. Everyone lingered after they finished eating to talk for what seemed to him like forever about politics. Even Elise participated in the conversation to some extent. Niles usually kept his mouth shut unless he had something particularly awful to say about some noble or other. He didn't know anything about politics and he didn't like to make himself look stupid in front of Leo's family. So by the end of the meal he was sitting sideways in his chair and laying his head on Leo's lap. Leo ran his hand absently through Niles's hair as he continued debating the finer points if some law Niles couldn't care less about with Xander and Camilla. Leo leaned forward and whispered into Niles's ear.  
“Time to go. We have to see that dead countess's butler.” Leo started to move his hand but Niles caught it with both of his before it got very far.  
“What dead countess?”  
“Countess Rohesia of Kestal, you know her, the one with the big hair who you didn't like. Her butler specifically asked for you to be present.” Leo explained, letting Niles rub circles over his knuckles.  
“Ah, yes. Who could forget that bi-” That was when Xander interrupted him.  
“Niles.” His voice was so firm and disapproving that it made Niles want to jump up and push all his buttons. The only thing that kept him from doing it was the way Leo softly squeezed his hand in a way which said 'Don't'. So Niles didn't. But he _did_ smirk at Xander to let him know he could've. Leo pulled his hand free and Niles sat languidly up and stretched his arms over his head. Leo rose and nodded to his siblings.  
“Good day,” he said. Niles followed Leo out as his siblings echoed the sentiment.  
“Aren't the two of them just the cutest?” Camilla said once she thought they were out of earshot. Leo immediately pouted and Niles snickered at him.  
“Shut up,” said Leo, glaring at Niles.  
“I can't,” Niles said gleefully. “You're just too darn adorable.”  
“Technically she said you're adorable, too,” Leo reminded him. Niles's expression changed and Leo laughed at him.

A short maid with wavy turquoise hair announced them as they entered the room where the butler of the late Countess Rohesia of Kestal was waiting. Niles couldn't help but smirk at the man's black mourning clothes. _Gosh, I hated that woman. Hated him, too._  
“It is my great honor to make your acquaintences,” the man said, bowing gracefully to them both. Niles wouldn't get used to that in a thousand years. Just the thought that in two months he would have the same rank as Leo made him want to kill someone. Somebody shouldn't just be able to _marry_ their way into equal social standing as _Leo_. That was _ridiculous_. But not ridiculous enough that Niles wouldn't marry Leo, of course. Leo nodded courteously at the man.  
“What can we help you with this morning?” Leo asked, somehow fitting all the decorum of the entire court into that single phrase, turning it somehow from a casual question to a query from the prince which must be considered and answered with all due care and haste.  
“Well,” the butler hesitated. He glanced nervously at Niles before answering. “It is a matter which requires urgency as well as delicacy.” He stopped there, as if waiting for a cue from either Leo or Niles to continue.  
“Get on with it,” Niles said after the silence had become too much for him. He couldn't wait all day; he had important things to do including arguing over whether or not it was okay if he didn't care about the flowers at his wedding with Camilla, who was determined to make him have any opinion.  
“Very well, milord. I come on behalf of the late countess, to speak in regards of your daughter,” the butler said, averting his eyes. Leo spun to stare at Niles, and Niles choked on nothing.  
“My _what_?” Niles demanded, doing his best to stare down the small man through the panic flooding his brain.  
“Your daughter, milord. With the late countess,” the butler repeated. Everything was spinning and Niles heard Leo's voice but he couldn't make out the words. Niles put his hands over his head as dots started to swim around in front of his vision. He heard Leo saying his name as if from a great distance. Leo led him to the couch and practically forced him to sit down.  
“Niles? Niles are you okay? Can you hear me?” Leo asked. Niles could barely hear him over the ringing in his ears.  
“I didn't know she was pregnant,” Niles managed to say with his face still in his hands.  
“It's okay,” Leo said so softly that only Niles could hear. “We'll figure it out.” But it wasn't okay and they might not figure it out. _Ever_. Leo turned to the butler.  
“What's her name?”  
“Nina.”  
“How old is she?”  
“Seven, milord.”  
“Why are we being told now?” Leo asked.  
“Because her ladyship the countess has no living relatives besides Nina,” the butler answered solemnly.  
“I see,” said Leo. “Bring her here tomorrow at eleven and we will take her.” Niles looked up at Leo startled.  
“Of course, milord. It would be my pleasure. Thank you for your graciousness,” the butler said thankfully. _Probably didn't want to take care of the little brat himself._  
“Think nothing of it,” Leo said, sounding like the paragon of graciousness. The man was led out and Leo and Niles were left alone.  
“Niles . . .” Leo trailed off. Niles looked up and met Leo's eyes. He had never looked more broken or more pathetic.  
“I get it,” he snapped. “I'm busted. I'm a slut, sue me.” Niles stormed out of the room and Leo wasn't sure who he was mad at but he was obviously mad. Leo was just confused. Niles clearly hadn't known he's had a daughter; he would've told Leo. Also he said as much. The countess was young to have died but still a fair bit older than Niles. That combined with Niles's obvious. hatred of her made Leo suspicious that things between them had went on appropriately or fairly. Leo didn't think it would be a wild assumption to assume that Niles had been taken advantage of. But Leo was going to get to the bottom of it. As soon as Niles had had a chance to cool off. They needed to decide what was to be done about Nina, too. Niles sat alone at the top of one of Krakenburg's towers. He looked over the edge and wondered what it would feel like to hit the ground if he jumped. It would be a dramatic way to go; but Niles had agreed to spend the rest of his life with Leo and he wouldn't cut that life short for anything. If Leo still wanted anything to do with him, that was.  
“If our lives changed forever,” he said into the emptiness of the sky, “Would you still want me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! (I really need the feedback)  
> Thank you all _so_ for reading!


	2. Remember When Everything Was New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the hard conversations are rough but they come with deep relationships. Also Niles has many strategies to get out of having them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks for giving my story a chance!  
> Here's chp 2!

“Hey.” Niles turned around at the sound of Leo's voice. “I know you're upset. But I think we should talk about this. Will you come talk with me?” Leo asked. His voice was gentle, like he was afraid of breaking Niles, as if Niles were unfathomably fragile, as if he were made of something more delicate than glass. Niles smiled at him, to show that he was still unbreakable, but maybe he'd never been unbreakable because the look on Leo's face made him want to break down and cry in Leo's arms. But he couldn't cry. He couldn't afford to show weakness. Or even be weak. It was taking all of his strength not to lose it over having to have anything to do with _her_ child. Countess Rohesia of Kestal had made him absolutely miserable. Her child could rot for all Niles cared; but this was his child, too. And after having been abandoned by his parents he would never abandon a child. If she was seven it meant he's left almost exactly eight months before she was born. Maybe that was why the countess had gotten rid of him. A father was an additional complication to a baby, particularly if he was a street urchin and she were a countess. He would never forgive Rohesia for making him abandon Nina. It was complicated, but Niles was determined to be a good father. He was just going to have to figure it out on his own and then talk to Leo.  
“Can we talk later? I need to clear my head.” Niles knew it was a lame excuse because he'd been clearing his head all day, but he also knew Leo would respect his request no matter how lame his excuse was.  
“Of course,” said Leo. “Will you be coming to dinner?” Then after Niles didn't answer he added, “Elise will miss you if you don't.” Niles smiled slightly.  
“I'll try. Can't disappoint Elise,” Niles said, trying to force a jovialty he didn't feel. He would never get used to calling Leo's siblings, or Leo for that matter, by theit first names. It was a privilege he didn't deserve. They were a family he didn't deserve.  
“Good. I'm looking forward to seeing you there,” Leo said. The formality of his tone betrayed the emotion he was feeling, at least to Niles. Niles knew that the more upset Leo was the more formally he spoke. Leo had had to conceal his emotions as a child to gain favor with Garon and Niles supposed old habits died hard. It wasn't like he didn't have his own fair share of bad habits brought on by a rough childhood. Leo touched his arm stiffly and kissed him uncomfortably on the cheek and left after letting Niles kiss him back. Niles sighed. Leo would never have any idea how much he had wanted to grab him and pull him into a full-on real kiss right then and there at the top of the tower.

Leo strode purposefully through the halls of Krakenburg and wondered what he had done wrong. He held his head high and kept his expression unreadable. If he had to hurt no one would get the satisfaction of knowing it. He walked into his office, sat down at his desk, and took out his work. To any onlooker he was working diligently and his mind was on nothing else. But Leo's mind was far away. His mind was with Nina wherever she was and with Niles at the top of the tower.

Niles could feel his bones shattering from the impact when he closed his eyes. He could see the ground rushing at him. He wondered what would happen if he jumped. He would die, of course, but then what? How long would Leo wait before finding somebody new? What would become of Nina? No, Niles wouldn't jump – he had too much to live for. And Xander won if Niles failed Leo. Not that Xander was rooting for Niles to kill himself. That first night when Niles broke into Krakenburg and had sworn himself to Leo Xander had bet Leo 2000 gold that Niles would be gone in a month. He had ended up giving Leo the gold in two weeks after saying that Niles had proved Leo a good judge of character. Ever since then Leo's family had accepted Niles. When Leo and Niles had started seeing each other in secret, Leo's idea, Camilla had made sure to comment on how much it felt like Niles was a part of the family until they finally admitted that they were together. Camilla had hugged them both and told them at least a thousand times how happy she was for them; Elise had jumped up and down and asked when the wedding was, which had been awkward; and Xander had said no sex, to which Leo had replied 'Of course' and Niles had said 'A little too late for that'. Xander had been furious but the look of humiliation on Leo's face had been worth it. He might love Leo, but Niles would _never_ stop loving embarrassing him in front of his family. Niles missed those days.

Everything had been so simple then, in the beginning of their relationship when they were still figuring it out and everything was new. There had been a lot to figure out, of course, between both of their pasts, but there had also been a clear path. All they had had to do was figure it out. And they had; and it hadn't been that hard. If Leo had a nightmare he wanted to be shaken awake and held tightly but Niles needed to be approached cautiously because he was easily startled. That hadn't taken long to learn – Leo had been able to tell Niles what he wanted, and it had only taken Niles freaking out once at Leo touching him suddenly for Leo to know not to startle him when he was upset. Leo got annoyed when Niles left his clothes on the floor and Niles couldn't sleep without a weapon in reach. So Niles put his clothes away and Leo let him keep his weapons out. After a few weeks they had everything figured out, from routines that worked for them both to safe words. Niles sighed. Everything had been so easy then, so simple. But the closer they had gotten the more complicated things had gotten. Niles wanted to know about Leo's childhood, and Leo wanted to see under Niles's eye patch. Niles had had dinner with Leo's family but gotten freaked our halfway through and ran away. They had crossed all those bridges. Leo had told him about his mother, and Niles had shown him the spot where his right eye had been. Leo had followed Niles out, and convinced him that no one was judging him, and they had went back inside. It had been hard, but everything had worked out. Niles wasn't sure it would this time.

Dinner was tense and only Leo and Niles knew why. Leo's family assumed that Leo and Niles had gotten into a fight, not a wild assumption based on the fact that Leo was colder and more formal than ever and Niles looked like he'd been crying, though they all knew he'd swear he hadn't. Only Elise really felt like talking but she didn't dare. They ate in almost-silence except for the occasional comment from Xander or Camilla to which Leo responded politely and Niles ignored. No one lingered when dinner was finally over. Niles stepped in front of Leo before he could leave.  
“Hey,” he said, running a hand through his long white hair. He had no idea how weak that made Leo for him.  
“Hey,” Leo said back.  
“You said you wanted to talk?”  
“Yes, I did.”  
“Is now a good time?” Niles knew it was. “If it's not – ”  
“It is. Let's go,” Leo said quickly, cutting him off before he could backtrack his way out of having a conversation. Niles nodded and fell into step behind him as Leo led the way to his office.

“Oh, here. I must be in trouble,” Niles said as Leo closed the door behind them. Leo locked the door and Niles chuckled and added, “You're locking it? I must be in _big_ trouble this time. Pray tell, what are you planning to do to me?”  
“You know very well that I'm not going to do anything to you. We're just having a conversation,” Leo told him.  
“But, Leo, this is just like old times. Remember when you used to walk me in here and lock the door just like this whenever I'd done something that required punishment? Mm, the punishment was always fun.”  
“The worst   
“  
“All of that was completely consentual! And most of it was your idea, anyway,” Leo argued. Niles laughed and took a few steps closer to Leo, backing him almost into the wall. They were so close that Leo could smell the lavender of the grease Niles used on his arrows and subsequently ended up smelling like himself. Niles smiled like a cat and leaned his arms against the wall on either side of Leo.  
“I have plenty of ideas of what we could do right now,” he purred.  
“Are any of them actually having the conversation you've been delaying all day?” Leo asked pointedly.  
“No,” Niles almost-whispered into Leo's ear. Leo shivered. He wanted to ask what Niles's ideas were, they probably involved at least a little kissing if the proximity of Niles's face to his was anything to go by, but he knew that this was Niles's favorite tactic to get out of doing things he didn't want to.  
“Well then they'll have to wait,” Leo said evenly because it was clear that he was the adult here. Niles sighed resignedly and pulled himself reluctantly away from Leo.  
“It really is just like the old days. You ignoring my advances and forcing me to talk about my actions,” Niles said glumly.  
“I wasn't _ignoring_ your advances,” Leo protested. “I thought you were joking.”  
“I never was,” Niles said, sitting down on Leo's desk.  
“Chair,” Leo said. Niles sighed dramatically and complied. Leo sat down across from him.

“Start talking,” Leo said after six minutes had ticked by on the clock.  
“Close your eyes,” said Niles.  
“Niles?”  
“Trust me,” Niles said. Leo did, more than anything. “Remember what it felt like when we though we could have everything. Remember what it felt like when we were young and we still had everything to figure out. Remember what it felt like when the world was ours for the taking.” Niles paused. “Remember when the world was new.”  
“Are you trying to sugarcoat whatever it is you're about to tell me?” Leo asked amusedly. That was another of Niles's favorite tactics.  
“Yes,” Niles answered. He hesitated before speaking again. “Just tell me what you want done and I'll do it.”  
“She's _your_ daughter!” Leo argued. “Right?”  
“Right,” Niles echoed sadly.  
“Well then what do _you_ want to do with her?” Leo asked. Niles sighed.  
“I don't know. Nina's my daughter and I don't want to abandon her; but I don't know how to raise her either,” he said, putting his face in his hands. Leo got up and walked around to stand behind Niles's chair. He leaned forward.  
“I'm putting my hands on your arms,” Leo said. Niles nodded so Leo placed his hands slowly on Niles's arms. “Let's keep her,” he whispered into Niles's ear. Niles jumped and swerved around to look at her.  
“Why?” he asked, studying Leo carefully with his eye.  
“Because she's your daughter,” Leo said. “And if she's anything like you I'm going to love her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!   
> Thanks for reading!


	3. If I Told You Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina arrives. And Niles loves her, of course, but it's complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone reading this!  
> This story means a lot to me so your support means the world to me!  
> Sorry this us late! I promise I'll catch up!  
> Enjoy!

“Your _what_?” Xander demanded. Niles sighed.  
“My daughter.” Telling Leo's family about Nina hadn't been Niles's idea; it had been Leo's. Niles had known that it would have to be done, at least if they were keeping her, but that didn't mean he'd wanted to. He'd wanted to never let them know. To keep pretending everything was fine like he had ever since he had started seeing Leo. Because this had only proved what Niles had known from the start – he had never deserved Leo. He had been lying to himself this time, pretending that he belonged here, but he had known all along that he didn't. He had lay in Leo's bed and pretended that what he was doing was alright. He had let Leo love him, the ghosts of a thousand of his lords kisses lingered on his skin. When he closed his eyes he could feel Leo's fingers tracing over his skin, wandering every scar and imperfection and saying he was beautiful. Niles had allowed himself to taint Leo's lips with his. He had allowed himself to love Leo to love him. And he _loved_ Leo.

“Your daughter,” Xander echoed disappointedly. Niles sighed and hung his head.  
“Yes.” He bit back the 'milord' which he would never grow accustomed to not using. Xander would never understand. He didn't know what it was like to be sick, starving, scared – _desperate_. Niles had been at death's door, and he had done things that he shouldn't have, things he regretted. He had done them to survive. Xander had never done anything to survive.  
“I see,” Xander said, his voice stone cold.  
“Am I dismissed?” Niles asked after a pause. Xander sighed again and put his hand on his forehead.  
“We've been over this, you're marrying Leo. You don't need my permission to leave a room,” Xander said for what felt to him like the millionth time. Then after another pause he added, “That's a yes.” Niles bowed his head in thanks before leaving.  
“I'll be training if you need me,” he told Leo softly. Leo nodded and kissed him on the lips. Niles seemed surprised but voiced no objection. He closed his eyes and leaned in for a moment before pulling away and nodding his head at Xander, silently reminding Leo that his older brother was watching. Leo laughed.  
“See you later, Niles,” he said. Niles hesitated and glanced at Xander before giving Leo one last quick kiss on the lips and hurrying out of the room.  
“Absolutely _adorable_ ,” Camilla whispered not very quietly into Xander's ears. Xander didn't say anything but he silently agreed with her. It was nice to see Leo so happy, he never remembered Leo being this happy before. And it was rather cute how Niles pretended that he cared if they kissed in front of him and Leo pretended not to.  
“Any comments, questions, or complaints?” Leo asked.  
“One,” said Elise. “Why?”  
“Why?” Leo repeated, looking at Elise.  
“We all know Niles is in love with you so why would he go and have a baby with some random woman?” Elise clarified.  
“It was a long time ago,” Leo said.  
“Why didn't he tell you?”  
“I don't know.”

It was almost noon when Nina arrived. They sky was dark and it was raining. It was always raining in Nohr. Leo's family had insisted on being there to greet Nina because she was “part of the family”. The “unless Leo ditches you like he should” hung unspoken in the air. Maybe no one except Niles was really thinking that, but Niles could've sworn he could see it in all of their eyes except for Leo's. Leo's hand squeezed Niles's gently and Niles couldn't help but think how little he deserved any of this. Leo would say otherwise, but only because Leo didn't know what he had done, who he had been. 

The carriage pulled up. The butler climbed out and helped a small girl out of the carriage. Niles had to bit back a gasp when he saw her. Her long hair was a dark wine color like her mother's, and just like her mother she had pale skin and delicate features – but she had his eyes. And when she smiled up at them she had his smile. His mischevious, condescending, provacative smirk. She curtsied prettily as the butler introduced her. He introduced her as “Lady Nina of Kestal”. She hadn't inherited the title, her older brother had, but she was still nobility. How Niles despised nobility. But he could only hate this small girl with his smile and his eyes when his eye was squeezed shut. Something about her demanded to be loved. He stood frozen, unable to move or say a word. Luckily Camilla hugged the little girl warmly and took it upon herself to introduce everyone.

“Are you my father?” Nina asked Niles, looking up nervously at him.  
“Yes. Nice to meet you,” he said awkwardly, tripping and stumbling over his words. Nina didn't seem to notice. She threw her arms around his legs and hugged him tightly.  
“I'm so happy! I hated that dreary old place and now they said I'm going to live with you forever and you're my daddy so I know I'll love you! Mother never loved me, I'm much younger than Richard and Alice because their daddy died before I was born, they didn't like me much, either. They said I was a disgrace.” The girl looked very sad at remembering this. Niles pried her arms off his legs and knelt down so that he was at her level. He didn't really have any experience with kids but he was going to do his best.  
“That's alright, they didn't like me much, either. Some people just don't like anyone,” he said, forcing himself to say _something_. Nina brightened immediately; Niles wondered if anything he'd said could've failed to cheer her up. He felt a pang of guilt at how excited she seemed to be just to meet him. If he'd known about her they would've met long ago.  
“Do you love me?” she asked. Something caught in Niles's throat. He straightened.  
“Yes. Of course I do,” he said in an emotionless tone. “Excuse me.” He left quickly. _I must love her; she's my daughter. She has my eyes and my smile; she's like me. I obviously love her. Yes, of course I love my daughter. Obviously._ Leo stared after Niles for a minute before collecting himself. Niles had actually done a fairly good job considering everything. Leo forced a smile and offered Nina his hand.  
“I'm Leo. I'm marrying your daddy. I hope we can be friends.” She ignored his hand and hugged him instead.  
“Yay! I love weddings! Can I come? I bet you and Daddy will be so cute together, hee hee! I bet we'll be great friends,” Nina said energetically. She let go to look him in the eye and beam at him.  
“I have to go talk to your daddy,” Leo said, rising to his full height. “Elise, would you mind showing Nina her room?” he asked.  
“I'd love to!” said Elise happily, offering the smaller girl her hand. Nina took it without hesitating. Leo watched Nina and Elise skip off happily before heading off in search of Niles.  
“Thank you, guys,” he said to Xander and Camilla. “For being so understanding about all of this.”  
“Of course,” said Xander.  
“We love Niles, too,” Camilla reminded him smilingly. “Probably not as much as you do but still quite a bit. Leo smiled appreciatively at her before going.

Niles was exactly where Leo had known he'd be – the top of the tower. Leo approached him slowly and made sure he had seen him before laying his head on Niles's shoulder. Niles wrapped his arm around Leo's back so Leo twisted both of his around Niles.  
“Why won't you just tell me the truth?” Leo asked. Niles looked down at him seriously. Their eyes met and three minutes of their lives passed before Niles answered.  
“If I told you everything you wouldn't want me anymore.”  
“That's not true, Niles! How could you say that after all we've been through? I will _always_ want you!” Leo insisted. Niles laughed bitterly and when he smiled he looked almost angry, almost mad. Almost like there were things he would change if he could. There probably were.  
“But you _don't_ know everything, do you? So how could you possibly know if you would still want me if you knew?” Niles asked, smiling in a way which he hoped came off as smug.  
“If you won't tell me how can you know I won't” Leo twisted his words against him just the way that Niles distorted people's meanings but with better intentions. Niles sighed nad put his face in hi hands.  
“I know you're going to leave me.”  
“What are you talking about, Niles? We're engaged, I've said that I wanted to spend forever with you at least a thousand times. Why would I ever leave you?” Leo asked incredulously. Niles laughed bitterly.  
“It's really quite obvious, Leo. You're you and I'm me.”  
“What's _that_ supposed to mean?”  
“You're everything and I'm nothing. Somehow we fluked into meeting and you spared me because I was _interesting_. Then you decided to love me for some reason.”  
“I didn't _decide_ to love you, Niles. I _fell in love_ with you. And it wasn't wasn't for me, either. I was scared to death that I was taking advantage of you; it took you months to say you loved me,” Leo argued.  
“No it didn't, I told you that first night right after you confessed,” Niles said.  
“No you didn't! You just kissed me! And it was great, I'm not complaining

“Well,” said Leo, looking intently at Niles. “If we can't know until we try why don't we try? I want you to tell me everything, please. I promise I'll stay.” Niles took a deep breath and looked up at Leo through his hair, which he had been curling anxiously around his fingers.  
“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day!  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. When I Tried To Make Her Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles finally tells Leo the truth about his relationship with the late Countess Rohesia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? I'm on a roll (except that I skipped yesterday - oops)  
> Enjoy!

Leo and Niles were sitting on Leo's bed. It was time to have the conversation which Niles had known was coming since the beginning. Niles took a deep breath. It hurt to remember – but Leo deserved the truth. And if that meant Niles ended up all alone again; so be it.  
“I remembered the first time I met Countess Rohesia. It was about nine years ago – when I was young and scrappy, willing to do whatever it took to see another sunrise. I had been hired by some noble or another to kill Lord Richard of Kestal, the son of the late Count Harold and his widow, Countess Rohesia. I was able to get an in with the head butler. I'd gathered blackmail material on him and, in return for handing it over, he agreed to leave the window into the first floor parlor unlatched that night. So I crept silently down the streets, and eased the window open, and slipped through. I thought the coast was clear. Everything was pitch black. Everyone was fast asleep – or so he thought. But as soon as I turned the corner I was seized by waiting hands. I struggled but it didn't do any good.” Niles took a deep breath. “I just need a minute.” Leo nodded sympathetically.  
“Are you okay? Do you need to take a break?” Leo asked.  
“No, better to get it over with now,” Niles said after another deep breath. Leo nodded.  
“Whenever you're ready.”

“I agreed not to kill her son, but only because she offered me a better deal. She offered me long-term employment; it only ended up lasting about a year but I didn't know that at the time. She wanted . . . _certain things_ , which she was willing to pay for. If you understand what I mean.” Niles looked scrutinizingly at Leo. Leo nodded, yes, he understood what ' _certain things_ ' meant. Niles took a moment to collect himself before continuing.

“It was so easy to pretend to feel wanted. Laying beside her in the aftermath before she left me alone. Closing my eyes and breathing in her expensive perfume. I wanted to love her so badly. But even then I knew that she didn't love me; I was just a distraction from the memory of her dead husband. So in the end I knew she didn't love me and I sure as heck didn't love her. She made me feel used, like an object or some cheap entertainment to be used and then thrown out. But she paid me, of course, so I came back twice a week like she expected. She expected me to be there at ten. Every time went the same. I came in through the servant's entrance where the butler was waiting for me with a disgusted expression like he was too pure to have any dealings with street trash like me. He led me to a bedroom which connected to a bathroom and left me there. Then he was expected to bathe. After that I waited until she came, which was whenever she felt like it, ranging from anywhere between ten thirty and one. I stayed until she was done with me and then when she left so did I. I could never decide if I loved those nights or if I hated them. But I came back every time.” Suddenly Niles stood up. “Do you need a drink? I need a drink.”  
“Let me,” Leo said after noticing the way Niles's hands were shaking.  
“Thanks,” said Niles, sounding almost out of breath. Leo poured two glasses of wine fuller than he normally would've and went back to the bed. He sat down and waited for Niles to sit down too before handing him a glass.  
“Thanks,” Niles said again. Then he downed the glass and let Leo refill it for him. “You're the best,” he said, kissing him. Leo had always known the way to Niles's heart.  
“I know,” Leo said after they broke for air. He leaned back in and they kissed again, shorter this time but sweeter and less desperate.  
“Alright, you want the rest of the story?”  
“If you're able to tell it without having an emotional breakdown,” Leo said sincerely. Niles laughed.  
“I'm good. I'm great. Nothing can be that bad when wine's involved, am I right?” Leo smiled encouragingly. _This is a healthy way to have a conversation._ Leo wished he had rang for a maid to bring tea instead of pouring Niles wine. Niles with strong emotions and wine was a dangerous combination. Then he looked back at Niles. _At least we're talking._ Maybe someday they would be able to talk about difficult things without alcohol; but until then this was good enough. Sometimes life was messy. And sometimes wine was the best way to handle messiness.

“Her children, Richard and Alice, hated me. They called me their mother's slut, which I was, to my face. Have you ever met them?” Leo was surprised by the question vut scoured his mind for any recollection of them.  
“Yes, I have,” Leo said. “Just a few times and only briefly at events.”  
“Then you'll notice that both of them are several years older than me,” Niles said. Leo realized what Niles was getting at.  
“Yes,” Leo said.  
“Then I'm sure you can see why they were disgusted with me. I was some snarky kid from the slums who was sleeping with their mother.”  
“I suppose I can see it. Though any thoughtful individual would realize the role of the power dynamic in such a scenario,” Leo pointed out. Niles chuckled.  
“ _Our_ power dynamic was even more of a difference, you know, but we weren't doing anything wrong. I'm sure they didn't want to find fault with their mother. It would be much easier to assume I was trying to benefit from her position. Which I was. I thought getting her pregnant would be hitting the jackpot. I figured my position would be secure, even though I knew she wouldn't marry me. I figured she'd want her child's father around.” Niles laughed scornfully. “Guess I figured wrong.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Leo waited until Niles no longer had hair obstructing his vision to put a hand reassuringly on his arm. Niles looked up intently at him.  
“Niles?” Leo asked after Niles had been staring at him for two and a half minutes.  
“Why are you like this?” Niles asked, his expression unchanging.  
“What do you mean?” Leo asked.  
“You're always careful not to upset me. You never hurt me when you're angry. No one was like that before.” He put his head in Leo's lap and burst into tears. The wine was at least partially to blame.   
“We can be done,” Leo whispered softly into Niles's hair. “We won't talk about this anymore today.”  
“Can we just get it over with? I can't ever talk about this again,” Niles almost-begged into Leo's lap. Usually it annoyed Leo when Niles couldn't be bothered to lift his head enough that his words weren't muffled but at that moment Niles could've gotten away with anything. Which usually he would've taken advantage of; the fact that he wasn't was a testimony to how shaken he was.  
“Whatever you want,” Leo agreed. “Just tell me if it gets to be too much.” He started to slip out from under Niles. “Let me get you some water,” he said, hoping to sober Niles up a bit. Niles turned so that Leo could see his face.  
“I'd prefer more wine,” he said, smiling up at Leo. Leo sighed and refilled his cup and handed it back to him. Normally Leo wouldn't let Niles drink while lying in his lap while he was this drunk but tonight Niles could do whatever he liked. To his credit Niles didn't spill a drop.

“In some ways those had been the best days ever. During that time I lost my eye; I was sure that she would fire me, but she didn't. She just laughed and said it didn't make any difference to her how many eyes I had. Sometimes I hated her, and I always hated her children, but that was when I decided to stay. That was the kindest anyone had ever been to me. It wasn't compassion or sympathy, only disinterest, but it wasn't cruel or taunting either. The rest of the household, those who knew about me, became even more disgusted by the whole situation and by me in particular. But she was rich and influential enough that she didn't care what anyone else said. She enjoyed me and that was enough for her. She was powerful enough that the rumors couldn't reach her, let alone hurt her. I thought she was like a goddess. That was when I fell in love with her. She didn't care how messed-up and broken I was; she didn't even care about my eye. I thought she was my destiny. That was when I tried to make her love me.” Niles sighed. “Little did I know that she could never really love some one like me.”

Niles sat up and stretched. Leo sighed in relief as Niles he set his empty wine glass down on the floor.  
“I had forgotten that I was just her distraction. Things with us quickly became more . . . _intimate_. More . . . _personal_. We started making small talk, and then just talking. We got to know each other, we became close. I was the only person she could confide in because it didn't matter if I told; no one would believe a word I said anyway. She was the only one I was pleasant to at all. For that last month she had me come every night. Things were getting real fast. I let myself believe that maybe she loved me.” Niles stopped and exhaled slowly. He looked almost sad, as if he wished things could've been different. “It was just a regular meeting the night when everything changed. I came in through the servant's entrance and that awful butler was waiting for me. I went into our usual room, and bathed, and waited for her. I started looking forward to seeing her. The loneliness had faded into passion. We had started kissing, we would kiss hello and kiss goodbye. It was easy to pretend that she was mine and I was hers. It was nice pretending to feel like I belonged. She came in and everything went just like every other night. But I had this strange feeling that this was the last time, that when I said goodbye that night it would be forever. I was right. It was one in the morning when she told me to leave, and to never come back. I asked her what I'd done wrong; and she said nothing, she couldn't explain. She said that I had been wonderful fun but it had to end. She let me kiss her one last time, kiss her goodbye and I left in a daze. All I could think was that it had been more to me than 'wonderful fun'. I thought that she had been the love of my life; that I would never be the same. I never was. I thought there was nothing left to live for. I thought everything was over. I thought that was the end. And that's it. After becoming your retainer I saw her at the occasional event but no more than that. It took me awhile to get over her. It took realizing that she hadn't loved me and she hadn't even really treated me with respect, which you did. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with you. I hadn't seen her since our engagement; I hadn't thought about her for even longer. You know the rest.”

Leo hugged Niles tightly and Niles hugged him back. He remembered when they had been so touch shy. Niles had never been one for personal space until the beginning of their relationship. It had taken time for them to figure out how to touch each other. Once they figured that out they took every opportunity to touch, brushing arms so much it was almost suspicious, holding hands when no one was looking, stealing moments to kiss in empty hallways. By the time they had told Leo's family about their relationship they had been touching enough that no one was surprised.  
“Thank you for telling me,” Leo said. He remembered when he had asked Niles to marry him and Niles had said yes, and kissed Leo, and refused to make eye contact with anyone for the rest of the week because he'd been embarrassed. Camilla had thought it was less adorable. It was less adorable when Niles flipped out at Xander after having been told that he could no longer be Leo's retainer and that he'd need his own retainers before the wedding. Leo would need new retainers, too, between marrying Niles and Odin's departure. Niles had actually challenged Xander to a duel, which Leo had spent hours talking him out of and then even more hours to convince him to apologize to Xander. Leo had to confess that he would sleep easier if he knew Niles was safe, too. Niles had laughed and admitted that he might not make the best retainer anymore, he would have too many emotions involved. Leo and Niles still had to put effort into talking about their emotions but it still felt to Leo like they told each other everything. And he had almost been right.  
“Thank you for making me,” Niles said. They pulled apart just enough that they could look at each other's faces. It was a nice thought to think that they would get to keep getting to know each other better every day.

Niles looked thoughtful for a moment.  
“Want to share?” Leo asked, more-than-hinting that he would like to know what Niles was thinking. He knew it would either be something fairly deep or ridiculously lewd.  
“It's funny how when I remember this story I can still remember what it felt like to love her, to want so badly for her to love me. I had never loved anyone before.” Niles stopped, and looked intensely into Leo's eyes. “But I'm _glad_ she sent me away. If she'd kept me I never would've agreed to break into Krakenburg; I never would've been that desperate. But then I wouldn't have found you. And I _love_ you.” Niles put an arm on the mattress and pushed himself up to kiss Leo. Leo kissed him back.  
“You don't need to convince me, Niles. I know you love me. I'm not upset that you had feelings for someone else years ago; you know I've had other relationships,” Leo said. Niles laughed.  
“That wasn't the only reason I kissed you. Maybe I just like kissing you.”  
“Maybe you do,” Leo agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are more than appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. I Know What It's Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina stands at the top of the tower and looks down. Everything is so small and unimportant from above. Nobody knows what it's like to be Nina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> It took awhile but I'm finally doing the Nina chapter! Yay! Not late today!  
> Enjoy!

_Nobody knows what it's like._ Nina sighed and leaned her head on her hands. Nina had wanted a fresh start but all she'd gotten was guilt and complications she hadn't asked for. _All I wanted was for him to want me. I know he didn't like Mother but neither did I; she was never there. I thought that he would be glad to see me. All the servants back home said awful thing about him, but I never listened – he was my father._ He'd said he loved her but Nina wasn't stupid. Niles had no idea how much he wanted him to love her. He had no idea what it was like to want to be loved so badly that it felt like your heart was burning. Nina stood at the top of the tower and looked down. Krakenburg was bigger than Ivy Gardens, her mother's castle. When Nina stood up here she felt like she was on top of the world. Nina took a bite out of her apple. It was sweet, too sweet. She dropped it and let it fall. She watched as it broke into hundreds of pieces as it hit the ground. Nina felt a lot like that apple right now. She took a deep breath and leaned over just a bit so she could get a better look at the ravens who were devouring it. Her entire life had led to this moment. To standing at the top of the tower and looking down. To wondering what comes next. If she fell now everything would have been in vain. Her entire life would've led up to her untimely death. But Nina wasn't afraid. She laughed as if she was empress of the whole world. She was at the top of the tower.

Nina spun around as she heard the door leading back into the castle open behind her.   
“Leo!” Nina ran up and hugged him.  
“Nina,” he greeted her. She looked up into his face, keeping her smile intact as she studied him. His expression was cold, or at least formal, but his smile seemed sincere. This was a complicated man. Nina was going to like him. “How are you?”  
“I'm good! How are you?”   
“Good, thank you. What have you been doing this morning?” he asked, his voice formal but friendly.  
“After I woke up I played with Elie for awhile, and then we had a tea party with Camilla! Then she took us horse riding and I rode Strawberry but I got to meet Daddy's horse, Fiona! She didn't like me much though,” Nina reported. Leo laughed.  
“She doesn't like anyone besides Niles. Maybe she'll let you feed her a carrot if Niles takes you,” Leo suggested.  
“That would be so fun! I love Daddy! Would you come with us? Do you have a horse? What's your horse's name? Would your horse want to be my friend?”  
“My horse is named Aeneus, and I'm sure he would love to be friends with you.”  
“Yay! I can't wait to be friends with _everyone_ here! Camilla said Corrin was coming home soon, who's Corrin?”  
“They're our sibling. They're visiting their family in Hoshido right now but Camilla's right; they'll be home soon,” Leo explained.  
“That's cool! Why do they have two families?” Nina asked. Leo decided that she didn't need the long answer so he said,  
“Because they have so much love in their hearts.” It was more than a little stupid but Nina was seven so he was hoping she'd overlook that.  
“I wish Mother, and Richard and Alice could've had some of that extra love,” Nina said. “I didn't care _that_ much what Richard and Alice thought; but I wanted my mother to love me.” She sighed and sat down on the stone ground. “Nobody knows what it's like.”  
“I do,” Leo said sitting down on the ground beside her. “I know what's like.” Nina put her small hand in his and smiled sadly up at them. That was when she decided that she would love Leo forever. They were members of the same exclusive club. They both knew what it was like to be unloved by someone who they would have given anything to be loved by.  
“Your mother didn't love you?” Nina asked.  
“No, she didn't. It's complicated. She used me as a pawn to get power with my father,” he explained. Leo chuckled when Nina patted his arm.  
“I'm sorry,” she said. “Not being loved is the worst.”  
“It's okay now. You and me both have plenty of people to love us now.”  
“This is a better family than my old one,” Nina commented.  
“Mine, too,” Leo agreed, remembering the days when he hadn't considered his half-siblings family. When it had just been him and his mother, and she hadn't even loved him. Life had gotten so much better after she had died and he'd gotten to know Xander, Camilla, Corrin, and Elise. Maybe it was wrong to be glad when someone died, but Leo would always be glad that his and Nina's mothers had died, he just wished they'd done it sooner.

“Why is everyone here so nice to me?” she asked after a pause. It reminded Leo a bit too much of a question Niles had asked him multiple times since their first meeting.  
“Because you're wonderful and we love you,” Leo told her.  
“Why are you sad? Did you not want me to come?” Nina asked.  
“No, I'm _very_ glad you came. I just wish you could've come sooner.”  
“Oh, that's okay. Daddy didn't know about me. I was a surprise.” Nina beamed up at him. “But now we have forever and ever to be friends.” Leo smiled back at her.  
“Yes. Forever and ever.”  
“When are you marrying Daddy?”  
“In about two months.”  
“Can I come?”  
“Of course you can.”  
“Can Elise come?”  
“Yes, Elise will definitely be there.”  
“Will Camilla be there?” she asked. Leo laughed.  
“Yes, everyone will be there.”  
“Even Corrin?”  
“Yes, even Corrin.”  
“I can't wait,” Nina whispered.  
“Neither can I,” Leo admitted, leaning in and whispering back at her even though there was no one else around. Nina giggled. “What are you doing up here?” Leo asked.  
“It seemed like a good place to think,” Nina told him seriously. Leo nodded.  
“Your daddy likes to think here, too.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, he's up here all the time.”  
“Do you think if I wait here long enough I'll see him?” Nina asked excitedly. Leo laughed.  
“Probably. But if you want to see him you can just go find him. He's normally in the archery range around this time of day.” Nina's expression sank.  
“He doesn't like me,” she said glumly.  
“Of course he does,” Leo argued. “You're his daughter; he _loves_ you.”  
“He's never happy to see me,” Nina pointed out. Leo sighed.  
“It's complicated.”  
“ _Everything's_ complicated!” Nina complained.  
“Things between him and your mother weren't great. But he's trying; and he does love you. Life is just messy sometimes,” Leo told her. Nina nodded as if she understood. And what did Leo know, maybe she should.  
“Can we clean up the messes and make life clean again?” she asked him seriously.  
“Yes,” Leo said after thinking for a moment. “But it takes a long time. And life is always a little bit messy when there are other people in it. But they're always worth it.”  
“Okay,” said Nina. Leo stood up and offered her his hand.  
“Want to go and see if he'll come visit the stables with us?” he asked. Nina hopped excitedly to her feet.  
“Yes! Let's go! This will be the most fun ever!” she exclaimed, taking his hand and happily skipping in the direction of the archery range. That afternoon proved her right. It _was_ the best night ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day!  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. If You Could Change Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Daddy?”  
> “Yes, Nina?”  
> “If you could change things so that they'd gone differently, would you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late!  
> The other one is coming today, too, I promise!  
> Enjoy!

“Daddy?”  
“Yes, Nina?”  
“If you could change things so that they'd gone differently, would you?”

Niles thought back on his entire life. The ups, the downs, all of it. There had been rough times, horrible times when horrible things had happened to him. Then Niles looked down at Nina who was sitting beside him. She was so smart for her age, she was curious. She hadn't had the easiest childhood in the world so far but she still believed in people. She was _perfect_. As much as Niles hated to admit it, he couldn't have raised her as well as Rohesia had. Rohesia might not have been the best mother, or even close, but she'd had the means to give Nina the education she deserved. And now Niles could finish the job she'd started – raising and educating a living child. And he was ready now. He had Leo, and Leo wanted to keep Nina. Maybe things had worked out all right, after all.

“No, there are things that I will always wish had gone differently, things I will always regret – but they're the things which led me here. To Krakenburg, and to Leo, and to sitting here with you.” Nina nodded thoughtfully.  
“Then I wouldn't change anything either. I missed you my whole life; but sitting here like this today is pretty nice,” Nina said.  
“It is,” Niles agreed. “And I missed you, too.” Nina laughed.  
“You didn't even know I existed until a few weeks ago, Daddy,” she reminded him.  
“No, I didn't. But we were connected even before we met, because I'm your father and you're my daughter. So even though I didn't know about you I could feel you, and I knew that something was missing.”  
“Me?” Nina asked, looking up hopefully at him.  
“Yes, you,” Niles said, smiling at her and running his hand through her hair. “We missed a lot of time together, but we can make up for it.”  
“How?” Nina asked.  
“Well, do you wanna tell me about yourself?”  
“But, Daddy, you already know everything about me! We're connected!” Nina declared, laughing.  
“No one knows _everything_ about anyone else,” Niles said.  
“Not even you and Leo?” Nina asked. Niles smiled.  
“Not even me and Leo. But that's what makes people exciting; there's always something new to learn about them.”  
“Even if they're dead?” Nina asked.  
“Are you thinking about your mother?” Niles asked sympathetically. Nina nodded.  
“Sometimes we can learn more about our dead by learning more about ourselves. Because if we love someone we keep a little piece of them inside us always.”  
“Can you tell me more about her?” Nina asked, looking up nervously at him, suddenly shy.  
“I would love to,” Niles said, thinking back on the woman he had loved in what felt like lifetimes ago, back when he had been somebody else, somebody who had been madly in love with Rohesia. He remembered enough good things about her to give Nina something to know besides the broken woman who had never been the mother she deserved. “She loved Cyrkensia; she used to stay there over the summer and pretend she could stay forever. She liked to visit the Opera House there, sometimes she met Garon, the king at the time, there. She was the last of his real friends. She was sixteen when she married her husband, Richard and Alice's father. He was the love of her life. She was never the same after he died. She loved gardening, her older brother used to garden with her before he died when she was only nine. She loved music, she played the piano beautifully, and when she was younger she wanted to be a pianist. She loved to read romance novels when it was raining. She fell in love with poetry after her husband died; she used to spend hours walking around her gardens as she read it. She used to write poetry, too. It was beautiful. She used to read it to me. When her husband was alive she went on hunting trips with him and his friends, and she was better at it than all of them. She missed hunting after he they died. At one time she was a lovely person.” Rohesia might not have been Niles's soul mate, but he had _known_ her better than anyone else had except for maybe her husband. She'd told him all her dreams and secrets and the things which had went wrong. She had known him, too.

“Did you love Mother?” Nina asked. Niles sighed and smiled sadly.  
“Yes, I did. More than anything.”  
“Why did you stop loving her?”  
“It took me a long time. She sent me away once she learned about you.”  
“Do you still love her?” Nina asked.  
“That's a complicated question with a complicated answer,” Niles said.  
“I'm a complicated person,” Nina told him.  
“I'm not _in love_ with her anymore. But I will always love her for who she was to me and for giving me you.”  
“Who was she to you?” Nina asked.  
“She was my everything before I had anything more. She was the first person I could really talk to, the first person I loved.”  
“What happened to your parents?”  
“They left me when I was very young, younger than you,” Niles told her.  
“Do you love them?”  
“Yes, just like you love your mother. I carry them with me always, even though I can't remember them, and they will always be a part of me.”  
“Do you miss them, Daddy?”  
“I do. I would've liked it if they stayed.”  
“What do you think happened to them?” Nina asked after a pause. Niles thought for a moment before answering.  
“I like to think that they're happy. That they found a house and maybe even had more kids. But I also like to think that they miss me, but that they know I'm okay.”  
“Are you connected to them, like I'm connected to you?” Nina asked. Niles smiled.  
“Yes.”  
“How will you get to know them?”  
“The same way you'll get to know your mother, by learning more about myself,” he told her.  
“But you're a grown-up, don't you _already_ know everything about yourself?”  
“No, it would be nice if it worked like that. But you can never know everything about yourself. That's how you can keep growing as a person and learning to better. The more you know about yourself the better a version of yourself you can be.”  
“So we can always keep getting better?” Nina asked.  
“Yes, always,” Niles said.  
“Then are we ever _really_ good _enough_?”  
“Yes, we're always good enough  
“Would you find them if you could?”  
“No, I don't need them anymore. I've lived my whole life without them and the family I have now is enough for me. I wish them well but that's all. They can't ask anything else of them.”  
“You guys are enough family for me, too. I'm happy here,” Nina said, smiling up at him. Niles smiled back at her.  
“I'm glad. It would be a shame if you didn't since you're staying here forever,” Niles said.  
“Yay! I'm so happy! Can every day be just like this forever?”  
“I wish it could. But you won't want to just sit and talk with your old man when you're bigger.”  
“You're not old, Daddy! You're Leo's age and he's young enough to be Camilla's baby brother,” Nina argued. Niles laughed.  
“But Leo will always be Camilla's baby brother no matter how old he is,” Niles pointed out.  
“Whatever, Daddy. _I_ don't think you're old.”  
“Well, thank you,” Niles said amusedly.  
“And I will _always_ want to be with you, no matter how big I get.”  
“And I will always want to be with you, too, but I'll be okay if you need to be more independent as ou get older.”  
“I think I should have a baby brother,” Nina told him, moving on from the topic of her impending independence.  
“You do, do you? Well, you'll have to take that up with Leo.”  
“You're no fun, Daddy! If you said yes leo would say yes, too, because he loves you!”  
“He loves you, too, Nina. And anyway, _you're_ the one who wants a baby brother.”  
“Don't you want me to be happy?” Nina demanded.  
“Of course I do, that's why I'll get you a puppy.”  
“Xander said I can't have a puppy,” Nina told him sadly.  
“Then I guess Xander doesn't have to know,” Niles said, raising an eyebrow at her.   
“Can it be a hunting dog?” Nina asked  
“A hunting dog?” Niles asked. “Why do you want a hunting dog?”  
“So that you and me can go hunting like Mother used to so I can know her better,” Nina explained.  
“You'll need to learn to hunt first, but I think that can be arranged.”  
“Will you teach me to shoot arrows like you? So I can shoot the deers?”  
“Sure. We can start tomorrow,” Niles agreed. Leo wouldn't mind as long as he didn't let her shoot her eye out. Nina laughed and threw her arms around him.  
“I love you, Daddy!” Niles smiled and hugged her back.  
“I love you, too, Nina.” And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. I Wouldn't Have Cared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo and Niles's wedding! Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Here's the big finale!  
> Thank you for sticking with me through this story!  
> Enjoy!

It was the night before the wedding. Niles paced up and down the hallway until Camilla sent him to bed. Then he paced back and forth in his room. This would be the first night he spent here in he didn't know how long. Apparently it would be bad luck for him and Leo to see each other before the wedding. _Stupid. Probably just Xander's last attempt to keep me out of Leo's bed._ Niles chuckled. _If only he knew._ There was a knock on his door. Before he could respond a little voice called,  
“Daddy? Can I come in? It's me, Nina!” Niles opened the door and smiled down at her.  
“Shouldn't you be in bed, pumpkin?” he asked, running his fingers through her hair. Nina pouted and stuck her tongue out at him.  
“Fine! Guess you don't want to hear Leo's message!” she turned around and started walking off but Niles grabbed her and hung her upside down.  
“Let me go!” Nina ordered him through her laughter.  
“Okay,” he agreed, dropping her headfirst. Nina shrieked but he caught her again.  
“Meanie! Don't do that!” she insisted, laughing. “Put me down! On my feet!”  
“Whatever you say, princess,” he agreed playfully, setting her gently down.  
“I'll only tell you what Leo said if you say pretty please,” Nina said very solemnly.  
“Pretty please,” Niles said. He had learned a lot in the past two months – like that it was usually easier just to play along with Nina.  
“He says he loves you, and he's excited for tomorrow.”  
“That's all? That's all I get for asking nicely?” Niles asked, pretending to be incredulous.  
“ _Fine_ ,” Nina said. “He also says not to worry. But I told him you never worried and you were tougher than all those stupid nobles anyway, so you'd be fine,” Nina said.  
“You're right. I'm much tougher than them,” Niles agreed.  
“But it's okay if you _nervous_ , Daddy,” she said softly, patting his arm. Niles laughed.  
“What do I have to be nervous about?” he asked.  
“I don't know,” Nina admitted. “But I heard Camilla talking about you being nervous and how cute it was.” Niles shook his head.  
“She shouldn't be saying things like that in front of you.”  
“Why not? Do you not want me to know how cute you and Leo are together? Hee hee!” Nina put her hands over her mouth as she giggled.  
“Very funny, but you should be in bed. You have a big day tomorrow,” Niles said, kissing her on the top of the head.  
“ _No fair_! You have an even bigger day tomorrow and you're still up!” Nina protested.  
“But I'm bigger than you are, plus I took my nap earlier,” Niles said, hinting that if Nina had taken _her_ nap than she could stay up.  
“No you didn't! You played chess with Leo! Besides, there's a monster under my bed,” Nina informed him calmly.  
“Do you want me to come kill it for you?” Niles asked amusedly.  
“No, it hides whenever grown-ups come!” Nina explained. “Maybe I should just sleep in here with you,” she concluded logically.  
“Nice try, kiddo, but you're a big girl. You can sleep in your own bed.”  
“ _Fine_! I'll just sleep with Leo!” Nina declared.  
“Only _I_ sleep with Leo,” Niles told her.  
“Than where _am_ I supposed to sleep?” Nina demanded.  
“Your bed.”  
“But there's a big scary monster!”  
“Here,” said Niles, grabbing some random knicknack from off of his dresser. “This is magic. It keeps monsters away.” Nina looked at him skeptically.  
“I'm not stupid, Daddy.” “Just for tonight?” Nina asked, giving him the puppy-dog eyes he could never resist. Niles sighed.  
“Fine, but just for tonight,” he relented. _Only because I want better for you than I had. I've slept with monsters and I didn't like it._ Until Leo and Nina no one had ever bested Niles. _Maybe family changes a man._ Until recently Niles had never thought he'd end up a family man. Maybe he'd gotten soft; but if this was soft Niles was done with being tough.  
“Yay!” Nina cheered. Then her expression changed. “Can you rescue Princess Carrots? I would cry forever if the monsters at her,” she said solemnly.   
“Of course. We can't leave Princess Carrots to her own devices,” Niles agreed. “I'll be right back,” he said, heading off to Nina's room. _I went from x to saving stuffed rabbits from imaginary monsters._ Niles smiled. It was quite an upgrade. He could be happy forever like this.

“Just where do you think you're going?” called a voice from behind him, stopping him in his tracks.  
“Good evening, Camilla,” he said, turning around slowly with his hands up. He knew he was in trouble.  
“Didn't I send you off to bed, dear? You need your sleep or you won't be able to stay awake for your wedding,” Camilla informed him _very_ helpfully. Niles doubted that. He had gone days withot sleep and _still_ functioned better than the average person. “Plus, you'll probably be staying up rather late with Leo tomorrow night,” Camilla added, raising her eyebrows. Niles smirked. He could play this game, too.  
“Why, Camilla, whatever are you talking about? Why would Leo and I stay up? Won't we be tired after our _big day_?” He put his hands on his hips and raised his eyebrow.  
“Excuse me, I was only assuming you'd spend your wedding night the way you spend most of your nights,” Camilla said, raising her eyebrows even higher, if that was even possible.  
“How do you know about that?” Niles asked, dropping the act. He decided he was in no position to mess around. If she told Xander that him and Leo had _not_ , in fact, been sleeping in separate bedrooms during the engagement like Leo had promised that they would, well, Niles didn't know what would happen. He would be in _so much_ trouble. Camilla laughed.  
“I always know, sweetie. I've known for awhile. Don't worry, I won't tell.” She winked at him.  
“Thanks, but I'm not admitting to anything,” Niles said, winking back at her.  
“Of course not,” she agreed. “But you better not be going to see Leo; you know it's bad luck to see him before the wedding.”  
“I'm not. I'm looking for Nina's stupid toy bunny,” Niles explained.  
“Don't insult Princess Carrots,” Camilla told him seriously. It struck Niles as rather funny that the two of them were adults. “She's in Leo's room. _I'll_ get her,” Camilla said as if it were perfectly normal to refer to stuffed animals as anything but 'it'. And maybe it was, what did Niles know about family? He was new to the whole business.  
“Thanks,” Niles said. “Can you tell him I wish we were together right now?”  
“Of course, dear,” Camilla said, patting him on the head, which Niles wasn't totally comfortable with but had learned to let Camilla do. Then she entered Leo's room without knocking. Niles hoped Leo was naked. _If he's naked and Camilla goes in maybe he'll scream and then I'd have an excuse to burst in, bad luck or no. Plus, Leo would be naked._ A few minutes later Camilla came out holding Princess Carrots. She handed it to Niles.  
“Here.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Leo said not to send dirty messages through other people,” Camilla said.  
“Or at _all_!” Leo yelled through the door.  
“Your fiance _misses_ you!” Camilla scolded Leo.  
“Also that was _not_ a dirty message! If you want dirty I'll _show you_ dirty!” Niles calles, walking up to the door.  
“Oh _come on_! Everyone knows _exactly what you meant, Niles!” Leo argued.  
“Leo, honey, I really don't see what's so wrong with Niles saying he misses you,” Camilla said.  
“That is _not_ what he's saying! He's saying – never mind. I don't have the energy for this. Goodnight, Camilla. Goodnight, Niles. See you tomorrow.”  
“See you,” Niles said.  
“Sleep well, Leo!” Camilla called cheerfully through the door. She turned to Niles. “Now you get Princess Carrots back to Nina and then get to bed. You need your rest, dear.” Niles rolled his eye but obeyed her._

_Niles came back into his room and handed Nina the stuffed rabbit which he had looked ridiculous carrying down the hall.  
“Princess Carrots!” Nina exclaimed, grabbing the white bunny and hugging it tightly to her chest. “Thanks, Daddy!”  
“No problem, princess.”  
“Now there's just _one_ more _tiny_ thing I need to do before bed,” Nina said, setting Princess Carrots down on Niles's bed.  
“What's that?” Niles asked, glad for any distraction to keep him from thinking about tomorrow. It wasn't that he was nervous, of course not, it was just that he wasn't looking forward to dressing up. Yes, that was it, it was just that formal wear was the most uncomfortable kind of wear in existence.  
“Don't you want me to give Leo a message from you, Daddy?” she asked.  
“You need your sleep,” Niles said.  
“ _No fair_! Leo sent _you_ a message! If you don't send him a message he'll think you don't love him anymore.” Niles highly doubted that.  
“Fine, but only if you agree to go to sleep after that,” Niles said.  
“Okay, deal!” Nina agreed cheerfully. “What's your message?”  
“Tell Leo . . . that I love him . . . and that I'm sorry he has to deal with my annoying daughter at eleven o'clock.”  
“No! That's a _mean_ message, Daddy!”  
“Okay, okay. Tell him I love him, and I can't wait to see him tomorrow, and that I hate Xander.”  
“Why do hate Xander?” Nina asked. “I like Xander.”  
“I don't really hate Xander; it's a secret code – Leo will know what it means.” _It means 'I miss you'._  
“Okay! I'll be right back! Bye, Daddy!” Nina ran out of the room and down the hall towards Leo's room. _Camilla's going to kill me if she catches Nina._ Niles lay down on his bed and wondered if Leo was thinking about him, too._

_Leo and Niles were standing by the altar. The priest was going on and in about the sanctimony of marriage.  
“You look incredible,” Niles whispered.  
“Thanks. So do you,” Leo whispered back.  
“How long is this going to take?” Niles asked.  
“Could you maybe at least _pretend_ to be paying attention to our wedding?”  
“Of course. Whatever you wish,” Niles agreed. “How long will I have to pretend to pay attention for?” Leo fought back a smile.  
“You're incorrigible,” he told Niles.  
“I know. But that's what you love about me.”  
“There are many less irritating things I love about you,” Leo told him, pretending to be annoyed.  
“You wound me,” Niles said, immediately picking up the game.  
“Shut up, it's almost time to exchange vows,” Leo said. Niles nodded. He was standing facing Leo and the wedding guests were on the side he could see from, which meant he couldn't see the priest. He would have to take Leo's word for it. Which was unfortunate because Leo was lying._

_“I can't believe that's _finally_ over!” Niles declared as soon as Leo's bedroom door was closed behind them.  
“What a romantic thing to say to your husband after your wedding,” Leo teased, sitting down and taking off his boots.  
“Oh come on,” Niles said, matching his tone. “I didn't need a wedding to marry you.” Leo laughed.  
“Legally, you did,” Leo told him. “But it is nice to just be married after all this time.” Niles sighed and walked over to the window. He moved the curtain delicately to the side and peered out wistfully.  
“Is everything all right?” Leo asked, walking over and standing next to him. He looked out the window but there was nothing outside. Except the stars. Niles had always loved the stars.  
“Yeah, why?” Niles asked, turning to look at him.  
“You seem distracted,” Leo told him.  
“I'm not,” said Niles.  
“You seem to have forgotten that it's our _wedding night_ ,” Leo pointed out. Niles spun quicly to look at him.  
“I did, didn't I? I apologize. I suppose I'll just have to make that up to you somehow,” Niles stepped closer to Leo, pushing him gently towards the bed.  
“Niles. What's bothering you?” Leo asked, looking seriously at Niles.  
“Nothing, nothing at all. Just imagining all the horrible things I'm going to do to you,” Niles purred. Leo thought about how easy it would be to just let it go, to pretend he believed Niles. But he didn't want any secrets to taint this night. This marriage was a new era of their relationship; and Leo wasn't letting them taint it so early on.  
“Niles,” Leo said again. Niles sighed and collapsed onto the bed.  
“Who's getting distracted now, _Leo_?” Niles asked, smiling suggestively up at Leo. He loved it when Niles said his name like that. It always amazed Leo how different it sounded coming from Niles's lips. It almost made him wish that no one except Niles ever said it. Leo sat down beside him.  
“What's bothering you?”  
“I just – it's nothing; I don't want to talk about it,” Niles said, shifting his gaze onto the floor.  
“Please, tell me,” said Leo. “I'm listening.” Niles took a deep breath.  
“Would you have still fallen in love with me if you'd known about my past?”  
“I wouldn't have cared.” Leo put his hands on Niles's shoulders. “ _Nothing_ could've kept me from falling in love with you.”  
“How are you okay with all of this? With me, and all the baggage I come with? I know why I love you, and that I'll love you forever, and that there was no other way it could've been, but you deserve so much more than me. I should've loved you and never said a word, and just been your loyal retainer forever and you should've married someone else who was better than me. And I would've hated it but I would've never said a word because you'd be happy. It should've gone like that,” Niles said solemnly. Leo threw his arms around Niles and pulled him into a deep kiss.  
“That's ridiculous,” he said. “That wouldn't even be possible. I believe that in any universe, no matter what, we would've found each other, that we're written in the stars.” Leo knew that if Niles believed in anything he believed in stars.  
“That's a rather pretty story,” Niles said wistfully._

_“Sometimes we do horrible things because that's what it takes. Sometimes we are scarred, and hurt, and broken. Sometimes we have trauma that we will never fully get over. Sometimes there are memories which we can't escape. Sometimes we lie and put on a facade so that nobody sees how much it hurts. Sometimes we hurt others so that we don't feel powerless. Sometimes we lock the door and we cry until we can't anymore. Sometimes we do things that we can't undo. But sometimes there is grace.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments light up my world! <3  
> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> FYI, for anyone who's interested, March 15th I'm posting chp 1 of _All Along_ , another leoniles fic that nobody wanted!  
> It's also kinda leokumi, so, yeah, it's going to be a little weird.


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